Saturday, 28 March 2015

Mission Complete

I think it's about time I wrote a post that I'm sure teenage boys all across the country, all across the world even, can in some way or another relate to, plus it ties in nicely with the open-armed welcoming of the completion of our engineering project.


Regardless of whether you're a genius computer programmer or social prodigy, it appears almost impossible to crack the code that's responsible for these puzzling enigmas being so very esoteric by nature, but hard-wired with personalities that are just as cryptic.

Now, I've never been one to go out 'on the pull' as such, however my attention was yesterday drawn to an attractive and rather unfortunately unnamed young lady. What's more is that she was a brunette, which you'll think is fairly strange if you've read this post here.

I'll start from the very beginning.

Upon locating the ARU Chelmsford building we originally believed to be called the 'Macaroni building,' which in fact later turned out to be named after Italian electrical engineer Guglielmo Marconi, our group proceeded to get our stand set up. The bonus of for once being the first school to arrive was that this was achieved without being obliged to partake in the frenzied wrestling contest with fear of our extremely delicate model being irreversibly damaged.

We even had excess time with which to relax, so took a seat outside and remained occupied by watching students enter the lecture hall. The deal with the doors was that they're assisted, so you pull/push and then let the electronics do the rest of the work. Well, you would have thought that the people who are supposedly the crème de la crème would have had no trouble in working out what was going on once having read a simple sign, however this was clearly not the case. But more to the point, it was comedy gold!

Naturally, upon re-entering the hall, I scoped out the competition, dominated by inherently cool Selex projects, and then of course carried out a quick sweep of the females in the room, of which there were two that caught my eye. It was only later that I realised that the blonde of the two was in fact an extremely hot mentor, rather than a student, which I guess helped narrow down my options.

Once all the groups had given their final presentation to a panel of engineers, we were given the opportunity to saunter around, mingle a bit and check out the other EES projects. In reality and almost inevitably, our inanimate wooden bridge was nothing compared to the heavy-duty military drones that had all the bells and whistles, or rather stun grenades and motion-triggered turrets, however a handful of people were able to appreciate our design for what it was in it's own right.

Forcing a conversation on a complete stranger was never my intention, however when it did happen it was more natural than I could have ever expected. I'd been round to a couple of stands, thoroughly impressed by what I'd seen already, and then decided to rejoin Jamie and Harry, making a fairly open-ended remark as I approached. Long story short, engineering didn't remain the topic of conversation for long and my mates had drifted off before I'd even realised they'd gone.

Now, here comes the detail that if you've read my writing before will know is utterly characteristic of this blog, especially with regard to people of the opposite sex. I don't mind the jokes, or even being ripped by everyone including my physics teacher for the fact that what happened actually did happen, but this is so far worse it's almost indescribable.

Do you ever engage in a heated argument and then summon the most masterful remark hours, maybe even days later, only to realise that it's too late, the opportunity wasted and never likely to come around again? Well I guess that's an accurate comparison, the only difference being that I wasn't in disagreement with anyone. Far from it.

That's correct. After feeling only marginally regretful during the journey home, I became even more deflated when I woke this morning to realise how painfully easily I could have gone in for the kill with the strong odds of being rewarded with an 11-digit number. We may have been successful as a team in completing our mission to conclude this six-month saga, however I certainly screwed up this aspect of the Engineering Education Scheme.

Having secured what I believe was the only vote in favour of our assignment from my 'new girlfriend,' I've now come to the conclusion that it was simply a matter of employing a bit of cheeky banter as to what it was worth to her - and in it for me - were I to return the favour and vote them as my favourites. Moreover, the entire situation is made infinitely worse by the fact that my friends actually agree about the strength of my chances; only there's no way I'll ever be able to put them to the test now that the scheme has come to an end.

In an attempt to try and ease the pain, we agreed that there was definitely a subtle orange hue about said girl, but then again it would be condescending to make reference to the typical Essex stereotype, one because I'm better than that and two because she actually came across as pretty intelligent as well as being a genuinely nice person. So who knows? Maybe I got lucky in my dodging of a bullet.

One thing's for sure; we'll never know.

If you're from Essex, please accept my sincerest apologies. None of the above is meant in an offensive manner, but I can't help worrying that someone may read my words for what they're not.

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